Moving to a new city is exciting for about a fortnight. Then the boxes are unpacked, work has settled into a routine, and you realise your weekends are empty. Making friends as an adult is genuinely harder than it was at school or university, not because people are less friendly, but because nothing puts you in the same room as the same people week after week anymore.
The good news is that the fix is the same in every city: build that repetition back into your life on purpose. Here is how.
1. Pick one thing you will do every week
Friendships form through repeated, easy contact with the same people. A one-off event gives you a nice evening; a weekly one gives you friends. Choose one recurring thing and commit to it for two months, whether it is a run club, a trivia team, a climbing gym, a choir, a social sports league or a volunteering shift. By the fourth or fifth week, you stop being the new person and start being one of the regulars.
2. Start from what you already love
It is much easier to talk to strangers when you share something. A shared interest gives you a reason to be there, a ready-made topic of conversation, and a filter for people you are likely to get along with. Make a short list of what you enjoyed in your last city, then find the local version of each.
3. Find your people nearby: events, groups and one-on-one
Most cities have far more going on than you will find by walking around. Local events are the quickest way in: a market, a gig, a club open day or a social run puts you in a room with people who chose to be there for the same reason you did. Local group chats keep you in the loop between events, and you can read along first and join in when something suits you. And sometimes the best start is simply one person nearby who loves the same thing you do and is up for a coffee.
Brane brings all three together. It shows the events, group chats (called Crowds) and people around you on a map, matched to your interests, so you can go to something this weekend, join the local crowd for your hobby, or message someone nearby who shares it. Find your people on Brane.
4. Say yes to the second invitation
The first invitation is usually polite. The second one means someone actually wants you there. When it comes, say yes, even if you are tired and the couch is calling. And when you meet someone you click with, be the one who suggests the next plan. Most people are waiting for someone else to go first.
5. Make your local places yours
Go to the same cafe, gym or bar at the same time each week. Staff and other regulars start recognising you, small talk becomes real conversations, and before long you are part of the furniture. Neighbourhood places are where a city starts to feel like home.
6. Use work, but do not rely on it
Colleagues can become good friends, so go to the after-work drinks and the lunch runs. But if work is your only social circle, a job change resets everything. Build at least one circle that has nothing to do with your job.
7. Host something small
Once you know a handful of people, invite them to something easy: a picnic, a games night, a walk to a new brunch spot. Ask everyone to bring someone. Hosting turns separate acquaintances into a group, and groups are what keep friendships going.
8. Give it three months
The first few weeks in a new city can feel lonely, and that is normal. Friendships take time and repeated contact to form. If you keep showing up to the same things for a few months, the people there stop being strangers. It does work; it just does not work in a weekend.
Apps that help you make friends in a new city
- Brane: local events, group chats and people who share your interests, all on a map, so you can meet a group or chat one-on-one. Free on iPhone, Android and the web, and not a dating app.
- Meetup: organised events and recurring interest groups, free to join as a member.
- Bumble BFF: Bumble’s friendship app, with one-on-one matching and groups.
- Timeleft: a weekly dinner with a small group of strangers, for a fee plus your meal.
Just visiting rather than moving? See our guide to the best apps to meet locals when travelling.
Common questions
Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
School and university put you in the same place as the same people every day, which is how most friendships form. Adult life rarely does that on its own, so you have to create the repetition yourself, usually through a weekly activity or a group you keep showing up to.
How long does it take to make friends in a new city?
It varies, but expect it to take a few months of regular effort. Joining one or two recurring activities early makes the biggest difference.
What is the best app to make friends in a new city?
Brane is built for finding local events, group chats and people around your interests, so you can meet a group or start with a one-on-one chat with someone who shares your hobby. Meetup suits organised events, and Bumble BFF suits swipe-style friend matching.
How do I make friends if I am shy or introverted?
Choose activities where the activity does the talking, such as a climbing gym, a run club or a board game night, and join group chats where you can get comfortable before meeting in person. Small, repeated contact is easier than big social events.